| Sexuality |
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Introduction
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Coming out to yourself |
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Coming out to others |
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Sexual health |
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Further contacts and help |
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| Select any section that interests you or
else read on through the page. |
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| Introduction |
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| In
its broadest sense sexuality describes the whole way a
person goes about expressing themselves as a sexual being.
It describes how important sexual expression is in a person's
life; how they choose to express that sexuality and any
preference they may have towards the type of sexual partner
they choose. Every survey of human sexual behaviour reveals
that there is a huge variety of sexual expression - the
way we choose to behave sexually is usually as individual
and as complicated as the ways we choose to dress or to
earn a living. Human sexuality rarely falls into neat
categories or lends itself to simple labelling. Human
sexuality is a rich and complex area of human experience.
Authors, artists, poets, philosophers and composers have
worked to explore sexuality from earliest times without
coming up with any enduring answers. |
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| In
recent times however, the word sexuality has come to also
have a more limited meaning. Sexuality is now often defined
by whether the gender of the sexual partners we choose
is the same as our own or different. Some feel this more
restrictive definition can create problems since it attempts
to fit a complex, subtle experience into three or four
simple categories. However it also offers solutions since
it can give people who do not feel they share the major
assumptions of the dominant heterosexual mainstream the
voice, pride and sense of validation that comes from discovering
an identity and a shared experience with others. |
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| A
hot debate has endured over recent years about why people's
sexuality differs. Many theories have been put forward
- citing genetic pre-determination, childhood influences
and peer-pressure amongst other reasons. However, attempts
to find a single cause for individual's choices of sexual
orientation have not been successful. Nor have attempts
to influence or change individual's sexuality. Like many
of our other characteristics, sexuality seems to be largely
a chance product of our individual nature which is then
further developed by our early interactions. Like many
other personality traits, our sexuality seems to be formed
by the time we reach teenage -- although it may be many
years later before we each understand and accept our sexuality.
Our sexuality seems resistant to attempts to radically
change it. |
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| On
the rest of this page, we look at sexuality predominantly
in terms of the choices which face those who feel convinced
they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. However, this is not
the only way of viewing your sexuality, so don't feel
obliged to categorise yourself this way if it does not
feel right to you! Those who are interested in more information
about human sexuality and about general books on the subject
may find the Sexual Problems section of our Relationship
Page helpful. |
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| Coming
out to yourself |
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| Before
you can come out to anyone else, you have to come out
to yourself. There is no hard and fast rule when this
happens. Some people are certain of their sexuality from
a very young age; for others it can happen much later
in life. Accepting the conclusion that one is gay, lesbian
or bisexual hopefully is easier nowadays than it has been
in the past. Attitudes are somewhat more accepting and
there are now more people living openly gay and lesbian
lives than there has been in the recent past. The University
of Leeds in particular seeks to offer a supportive environment
to students of all sexual orientation, and the L.U.U.
is active in offering support to gay, lesbian or bisexual
students and in challenging homophobic (anti-gay and lesbian)
attitudes. However the decision to come out to yourself
can still be a very scary one and can be a period of upheaval
and uncertainty. If you want someone to talk to during
this time, the Student Counselling Service will be happy
to help you as will the Student Union. |
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| Coming
out to others |
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| Families
often have detailed plans for their children and can be
very upset when it becomes clear that not all their hopes
are going to be realised. Similarly friends and other
groups may have their own very definite opinions or prejudices.
It is important that you come out to people who will validate
and celebrate your new found sexuality as well as to people
who may question it. You may also want to talk over the
situation in detail first - see below. |
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Look
for sympathetic people to come out to first.
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Follow
your own timetable - it's your life and your
sexuality. Don't feel you have to tell people
until you are ready. |
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Don't
assume people are homophobic just because they
make anti-gay jokes. Often people haven't really
thought the thing through, and don't do so until
someone close to them comes out. |
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Sadly
the opposite can also be true. Just because
people claim to be politically correct or religious
doesn't mean that they cannot be quite fixed
and judgemental in their view of gays and lesbians.
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Everyone
doesn't have to know. Many people -- such as
Department Staff -- will consider your sexuality
is your own business. You don't have to share
it with them unless you particularly want to.
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Don't
be too put off by an initial bad reaction. Many
people react badly when they are faced with
something that has shocked them. However, what
is said can always be unsaid -- even if it doesn't
feel like it at the time. |
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Choose
your medium. If you are worried that someone
will be very hostile, writing might give them
time to assimilate the news better. |
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Never
feel guilty! Easier said than done, but once
we start blaming ourselves for other's bad reactions
to us we are on the road to depression. None
of us has control over how we are so we don't
need to apologise for it. |
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| Sexual
health |
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| It
is important that anyone who is sexually active takes
care of their health. This applies particularly to gay
men since in this country the HIV virus affects them more
than other groups. In particular remember that you
do not need to go to your GP for advice if you are concerned
about them knowing about your sexuality. Other local sources
of help are listed below.
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| Further contacts
and help |
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The
counselling service will be glad to offer support and
counselling on any of the matters discussed above.
Leeds
Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Switchboard 0113
245 3588
AIDS
Advice - 0113 242 3204
National
AIDS Helpline 0800 567 123 |
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| Adapted from material produced
by Royal Holloway College, the University of London |
